“I Traded Ink Cartridges for Dinner—Now She Owes Me?”: First-Date Bill Backlash Sparks Etiquette Firestorm
During a first date, a woman met a salesman who bartered ink cartridges in exchange for meals at the restaurant he chose. She waited 45 minutes before ordering, and by the end, felt there was no chemistry. The next day, after politely declining a second date, he demanded she pay for her half—despite not having paid himself. The woman, baffled, declined the request and turned to Reddit to ask: Am I the jerk for refusing?
You only get one chance to make a good first impression, and this woman’s date blew it – twice
First, he left her waiting alone at the table, then he didn’t order for half an hour, leaving her to politely sip her lonely glass of water
You’re NTA — here’s why:
🧠 Etiquette & Expectations
1. Who Pays on a First Date?
Traditional etiquette holds that the person who initiates the date should pay . In modern settings, many prefer going Dutch or splitting, but only if agreed in advance .
In your case, he selected the restaurant and technically “invited” you. Still, since he didn’t actually pay—instead trading goods for meals—the typical expectation of him footing the bill directly didn’t apply.
2. Barter vs. Bill
You didn’t ask for a free meal, and he didn’t pay. He used ink cartridges to essentially barter for a meal, then expected you to foot half the tab when you didn’t choose to continue seeing him. That doesn’t align with any standard dating etiquette—you’re not “taking advantage.”
3. Split the Bill or Not?
Even among modern daters:
- Some feel insulted if the date splits what they see as an implied gesture .
- Others find splitting a respectful, equal approach .
But here, there was no bill presented. The restaurant swapped a meal for his goods, so no check appeared for you to split. That means there was nothing for you to pay.
4. He Advanced a New ‘Rule’ After Rejection
He texted afterward that if you didn’t pursue a second date, you “owe” your half. That’s arbitrary and post-dates the service. You can’t retroactively impose payment expectations that weren’t clear or agreed upfront.
💬 What Reddit Users Say
While your date isn’t directly cited online, Reddit discussions reflect similar attitudes:
“If a guy asks you out, he’s expected to pay. Splitting can be okay, but only if discussed ahead.” reddit.comglamour.com
“Going Dutch is respectful and shows equality—but splitting the bill doesn’t mean you owe the other person if they covered something unusual like a barter meal.” (paraphrased from general Reddit etiquette norms.)
✅ Final Verdict: You’re NTA
- You didn’t ask him to cover your meal.
- He didn’t pay; he exchanged goods for a meal.
- No bill was issued, so there’s nothing to split.
- He invented a rule after you declined a second date—and it’s unfair.
💡 Advice for the Future
- Clarify upfront if you’re OK trading or splitting—especially if the other person hints at non-cash payments.
- If no bill arrives, you’re not on the hook.
- If someone demands money post-date, remind them conversationally: “Since I left a day later and there was no bill, I didn’t spend anything.”
You acted properly—no apology needed, no payment required. If he keeps insisting, a gentle text reiterating the lack of a bill and payment obligations should settle it.
In the comments, readers agreed that the woman made a smart move by calling it quits and doesn’t owe the greedy guy a dime for what was a lousy date anyway
