AITA for Ordering a Bottle of Wine and Vodka Shots After a Family Tried to Shame Me for Drinking?

In Western Europe, particularly in tourist-heavy destinations like Tenerife, drinking wine with meals is culturally normative. A solo adult traveler enjoying a glass at dinner in an all-inclusive resort is engaging in a socially acceptable behavior. While some families may have stricter personal values (e.g., religious or cultural prohibitions), these don’t extend as a mandate to others. The expectation that a stranger should modify their legal, non-disruptive behavior to accommodate such views is considered unreasonable in most social etiquette frameworks.

Etiquette expert Emily Post emphasizes that while respect for others is key, “you’re not responsible for someone else’s parenting choices if your behavior is within the bounds of public norms.” In this case, OP’s polite but firm response upheld their right to dine comfortably.

2. Weaponizing Assumptions: Ageism and Control

Accusing OP of being underage and unaccompanied was a strategic and passive-aggressive move. Not only was it a violation of privacy, but it also echoes a problematic trend where people—especially women—are infantilized or judged based on appearance. In legal terms, making a false claim to hotel staff about another guest could be considered harassment or even defamation in certain jurisdictions, particularly if it led to embarrassment or service denial.

In a Reddit-viral case from 2022, a woman was mistaken for a teen by flight attendants and denied wine on a transatlantic flight. The airline later apologized, but the incident highlighted how age-based assumptions, especially toward young-looking women, can result in unfair treatment. OP’s case mirrors this, with a strong gendered undertone to the family’s discomfort with “women drinking.”

3. Is Ordering More Alcohol an Escalation or a Statement?

Ordering the bottle and vodka shots was arguably a form of symbolic resistance. Rather than a petty move, it can be interpreted as reclaiming autonomy and pushing back against shaming tactics. This aligns with what social psychologists term “reactive assertiveness”—an appropriate response when someone’s boundary has been violated but direct confrontation is avoided.

Was it mature? Maybe not by conventional dinner etiquette standards. But it was expressive, non-violent, and clearly highlighted the absurdity of the family’s policing. Some may call it petty; others might say it’s empowering—especially for solo female travelers who often face scrutiny or disrespect in group-dominated spaces.

Moreover, in hospitality etiquette, once a guest has met age and ID checks, their drink choices are not subject to communal judgment. The family had no authority to intervene and overstepped by attempting to manipulate staff. In this light, OP’s response wasn’t just about the wine—it was about setting a clear boundary in the face of unjustified intrusion.