MIL Forced My Lactose-Intolerant Daughter to Eat Dairy, Now She’s Crying We Won’t Come to Holiday Dinner

My mother-in-law has always been that person who does whatever she wants. No rules, no boundaries. Before the pandemic, she loved having our older daughter (11) sleep over. It gave me and my husband rare date nights, and honestly, I appreciated that.

But everything changed after one awful night.

Our 7-year-old came home from her grandma’s house sick as a dog. Stomach cramps, crying, the whole thing. I called MIL to ask what she ate. She listed the food like everything was normal. Then my 11-year-old whispered, “Mom, she forgot to mention something.”

When I pressed MIL for details, she suddenly hung up. Red flag. Turns out, she had forced my 7-year-old—who is lactose intolerant—to eat dairy. And not just “oh, here’s a bite.” She literally made her sit at the table until she finished, wouldn’t let her leave. My kid ended up sick for hours because of that.

My husband confronted his mom. First she denied it. Then she blamed me. Then finally admitted it but said our daughter must be “fine.” Like… seriously? This isn’t picky eating. This is a food intolerance. It’s about child safety, not preferences.

After that, we went low contact. Months of silence. And now, out of nowhere, she’s inviting us to Thanksgiving and Christmas. We told her no. Because honestly, how can we trust her when she doesn’t respect parenting boundaries or our kid’s health?

She cried, played the victim, said we’re “unfair.” But no… we’re just choosing respect, safety, and peace for our child. I’d rather skip holiday family drama than spend Thanksgiving stressed, worrying if my kid’s food allergies will be ignored again.

Family conflict is hard. Toxic in-laws make it harder. But at the end of the day, kids come first. Always.

It’s surprising, but there are still people who don’t know how allergies work, and don’t even believe in them

The poster’s mother-in-law was babysitting their 7-year-old and 11-year-old daughters, and when they returned, the younger one was ill

1. Food Intolerance vs. Food Allergy

Okay, let’s be real. Lactose intolerance isn’t the same as a life-threatening peanut allergy, but it’s still serious. A kid forced to eat dairy when she can’t handle it is going to suffer. Stomach cramps, diarrhea, bloating, even dehydration. It’s not just “tummy trouble,” it’s a legit medical issue.

Forcing a child to eat food they can’t tolerate is not just rude—it’s straight up irresponsible parenting (or grandparenting). It damages trust. It teaches kids their body doesn’t matter, their voice doesn’t matter. That’s not okay.

Medical risks: severe pain, vomiting, nutritional deficiencies.
Emotional risks: anxiety around eating, shame, loss of confidence.

This isn’t picky eating—it’s about child safety.

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2. The Emotional Fallout

My 7-year-old didn’t just get sick. She also got humiliated. Imagine being forced to eat, then ending up doubled over in pain. That kind of thing sticks with a kid.

• Shame + anxiety: she might now link food with punishment.
• Broken trust: kids are wired to trust caregivers. When that’s betrayed, it cuts deep.
• Sibling stress: my 11-year-old saw the whole thing. Now she feels caught in the middle—do I protect my sister or keep grandma happy? That’s a heavy load for a child.

This is where food trauma and emotional abuse overlap.

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3. Family Boundaries & Toxic Patterns

Going very low contact (VLC) was the only healthy move. My MIL has a long history of ignoring boundaries. This wasn’t a one-time accident—it’s a pattern.

She:

• Denied the problem.
• Blamed me.
• Downplayed it as “no big deal.”
• Then expected forgiveness like nothing happened.

Setting boundaries is not being “mean” or “unfair.” It’s protecting kids from unsafe family dynamics. Saying no to Thanksgiving or Christmas isn’t punishment. It’s a safety choice.

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4. Legal + Ethical Side

Here’s the kicker—while this happened in a family setting, forcing a child to eat something they can’t safely digest has legal and ethical weight.

• In U.S. schools, food allergies are treated as disabilities under ADA. Kids must be accommodated.
• Restaurants have been sued for serving allergens after being warned—verdicts of $200K+ in damages.
• Even daycares have been held accountable for ignoring allergy restrictions.

So yeah, if schools and businesses legally have to respect dietary restrictions, why can’t a grandmother? Neglecting that is negligence. Period.

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5. What To Do Moving Forward

Here’s the game plan:

1. Partner speaks first → Husband should be the one to communicate: “No dairy, no exceptions.”
2. Accountability required → No apology, no change, no contact.
3. Controlled visits only → If she wants to see the kids, you bring the food. Non-negotiable.
4. Put it in writing → A mini “food plan” like schools use. No more “oops I forgot.”
5. Stay VLC until proven change → Words mean nothing. Actions matter.

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6. Reddit Post Angle

This story would hit hard on subs like r/justnomil, r/parenting, r/raisedbynarcissists.

How to frame it:

• Set the scene: “My MIL forced my lactose-intolerant 7yo to eat dairy. She sat her there until she finished, then blamed me when my child got violently sick.”
• Explain fallout: VLC, refusing holiday invites, MIL crying and playing victim.
• Ask for advice: “How do I enforce boundaries without reopening the door to more toxic behavior?”
• Holiday tension: She’s pushing for Thanksgiving/Christmas, but I don’t trust her.

Readers will eat it up because it’s raw, relatable, and screams toxic family drama.

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7. Why This Matters

This wasn’t a little “oops.” It was a huge boundary and health violation. Kids come first. Always. And until MIL proves she can respect parenting rules, she doesn’t get access.

Protecting your kids from toxic family patterns, food trauma, and emotional manipulation is not overreacting. It’s parenting.

Folks online were horrified, and some even warned OP to check with the kids whether she had done something similar before